Tallinn, Estonia.

Is there anybody out there who wants to take over the life that I am about to leave? Who wants to wait for customers all day to cut their hair? Who wants to be surrounded by unemployed, aimless people all of whom are there only because they had to escape their own cities, running from  drought, a disaster or poverty? Who wants to live in the country of the most boring, arrogant and hoggish people on earth: the Estonians?

Anybody? Hello?

Party of the New Syrians formed the new government a year ago. They had won the elections with our votes, now they are keeping their promises and calling us: “the children of the country who went far”. They need us back home. There is a life for us there which we will make better together. Syria wants to move forward with its people, bringing back those who had to migrate during the civil war, those who had the opportunity to go to school, learn languages and a profession. We are the New Syrians who can contribute to the development of our nation. “Syria is calling its children” That is how the new government is asking for us and I am looking forward to answer that call.

My mother does not understand any of the things I am talking about. She has some thoughts in her mind that no one can ever manage to argue against. It is not the Syria of 35 years ago in the middle of a civil war. It is also not the Syria of 20 years ago trying to reconstruct itself.

All this time, she has been cutting people’s hair in her hairdresser – no wonder she cannot understand all that has changed.

My mother never even valued any of my friends. Whenever she’d see me with a new person when I was young, first thing she’d always ask was if they were going to school and the first thing she asks now is if they have a job. I get tense, knowing this question will come me and seeing the expression on her face: how she silently judges them drives me mad. It is best if she doesn’t know any of them. No, mother. They don’t have a job because none of them were actually meant to be here in the first place! Look at Kariem, when his parents left Sudan with him because of the water crisis, they had no other aim than leaving and were dropped here by whomever they don’t even know, almost as an arranged marriage. Have you ever seen a Sudanese in Estonia who’s become successful and respected? Who is Kariem supposed to be like? Who am I supposed to be like?

I will work and I will work on what I studied, not cutting hair. I have a lot of ideas. We have learned in school how to treat the earth during the post-drought process. How to heal it and what type of agriculture has to be done now. I have a lot of ideas, I believe that new Syria has to invent a new agriculture for its land and create new products. There is so much space for improvements in agricultural processes, ways of increasing productivity. I will set all of them to work. I am thinking of working for state institutions where I can apply my ideas, I think that would be best. As an alternative I may borrow money, start buying land and run my farms. That is also not a bad idea. Perhaps it is better to be involved in politics and shape things from the top of the places. I will think about these questions once I am there.

I believe there is a place for me in Syria, which I could never find amongst the big buildings with big streets that we are occupying here in Tallinn.

I will go there because never in my life has somebody other than my mother asked for me or called for me.

I will go there, because when somebody calls for you and they want you nearby, that’s what you do.

Isn’t it?

Wael Awad