12 augustus 2050
Amsterdam,
The Netherlands.
Amsterdam,
The Netherlands.
Amsterdam-Noord is a place where people have at least one addiction and I am no exception.
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Don’t get me
wrong, addictions are welcome here, people understand one another. In the end,
that is what comes with idleness.
It all happened after Amsterdam Noord became
part of the Global Neighbourhoods Network of energy industry. I am going to
tell you that I sort of knew it was going to happen, but you probably won’t
believe me. But I did. I mean, if you were working for an energy company in the
30s, you would know it, because everyone was talking about it.
Don’t get me
wrong, addictions are welcome here, people understand one another. In the end,
that is what comes with idleness.
It all happened after Amsterdam Noord became part of the Global Neighbourhoods Network of energy industry. I am going to tell you that I sort of knew it was going to happen, but you probably won’t believe me. But I did. I mean, if you were working for an energy company in the 30s, you would know it, because everyone was talking about it.
It all happened after Amsterdam Noord became part of the Global Neighbourhoods Network of energy industry. I am going to tell you that I sort of knew it was going to happen, but you probably won’t believe me. But I did. I mean, if you were working for an energy company in the 30s, you would know it, because everyone was talking about it.
Only, no one knew how hilarious it was going to get after that.
You know,
each time there was an environmental disaster anywhere around the world, energy
companies made a big fuss. Well, they sort of were big deals, all these people
losing their homes and everything. But our companies made the fuss in their own
very particular way. Their idea was: if only energy companies could create a
global energy grid, then we could a build a renewable energy system that would function
continuously. So that when you don’t have wind at a certain place, you would have
sun, when you don’t have sun you would have waves and that kind of thing. So,
all these energy companies pushed for a special global status to make this
happen. They wanted a global taxation scheme for themselves. And they got it.
They wanted a global, independent employment policy. And they got it. They wanted
a global residence permit for their people and got it. Well, when you have it
all, and if you also do have your own properties in cities, then you sort of
have your semi-independent neighborhoods. You didn’t have to ask for that.
Back then, Amsterdam Noord had a lot of offices
and houses that were built not so long ago, but they fell empty when the area
lost its initial charm and freshness, and the city had a hard time filling them.
So energy companies made a good deal on big areas of Noord. You know our CEO
right? The guy is charming as hell and he is a terrific speaker. Except, he is
a bit phony. Anyways, he told this globalization story and all, and they made these
areas part of the global neighborhoods network. So the deal is, if you are
working for one of the energy corporations, they assign you one of their
housing developments here. If you are made redundant for any reason, you can
still stay in the city, keep chilling and they will pay for a basic income as
part of the universal basic income policy of energy companies. I mean, it is
kind of cool I would say. I have been relying on it for the past 4 years. Well,
not only me but also plenty of others and that’s the funny part. If you are in
Amsterdam for a superficial experience as a tourist or expat, you stay in the
center. You satisfy your appetite for cuteness and a globalized, cheesy
atmosphere there. In Noord you find musicians, virtual reality gamers, porn
addicts, underground clubs.
In center you speak Dutch and English, in Noord you speak everything.
Seriously.
That’s hard-core globalization. All these employees who were made redundant had
came here at some point in their career, and now just stuck here for the benefits.
You can’t imagine how many traditional Indian dance clubs there are here for
instance. It’s funny but it’s trending like hell. You have all these guys who
are there all the damn time, with their costumes and all, completely addicted to
this lifestyle of doing the dance and improving themselves and getting better. I
mean, when you all don’t have much to do, you just kill time and find others to
do that with. When you have everyone just killing time, that’s when it gets
really funny. I am part of a basketball club for example. We don’t only play
basketball but also get drunk as bastards after the games. It’s great fun, way
better than getting drunk after working in the office. It’s not even the same
drunkenness. Look, I don’t want you to think that I am a lazy person, nor I
want you to think that I have moral issues with working. It is more, the loss
of belief in what you are doing, and when you lose it, it is very difficult to
get back on track, believe me. I mean, I had really invested a lot in my career
thinking that it all is gonna be awesome. I guess. Well, I hardly can remember
what I was thinking back then. Anyways, it didn’t happen as I imagined. I mean,
I had a good career and all but it wasn’t mind-blowing. Then you go like “what
the hell?”. So you discover all kinds of ways of just chilling. I forgot to
tell you though; there are plenty of cool people around the neighborhood who do
interesting stuff. I mean, there are music bands who squat some empty spaces --which
there are plenty of-- and they just do music there. They’re great, really, and
sometimes they just make small gigs at those places and all. I really
appreciate those guys. So the other day I damn near called this old friend of
mine to tell him to get a job in an energy company, make his way to their
Amsterdam offices, find a way to get kicked out, then we could make music here
for the rest of our lives like we used to at our high school in Colorado.
It’s crazy all the things people do when they
have all this time and have lost their belief in the system.
Now you are going to ask which system I’m
talking about and I won’t be able to give you an eloquent story of what it is,
but there is one. Really.
Anyways,
down the main street you can find many Virtual Reality cafes where people of
all ages role-play creatures of different kinds in a virtual environment with
their VR glasses on. They are there all day, completely addicted to it. By the
way, I don’t like playing. I like watching, that’s my thing. Next to it there
are day-discos. Look, you have to understand that when you are in this idleness
mode, you kind of go for whatever. I was in one of those discos the other day,
I saw people dancing and squirting water out of their mouths to each other.
They were probably in the virtual reality mode, I couldn’t see what they had
but for God’s sake... You should have seen them. They were in hysterics the
whole time, like it was the funniest thing that ever happened. There isn't any
other disco in the world you can sit in for a long time without buying some
liquor and getting drunk. We sometimes do it with Phil. He is a friend. Probably
the craziest Swiss guy ever, but he doesn’t know it. He talks about his dreams
all the time. I mean, not like his aspirations and wishes. He talks about
different kind of dreams he sees every night and just tells everyone about
them. Meet him in a bar, he’ll tell you what dream he dreamt the other night. Knowing
that he wouldn’t ever shut up about them, one day, I gave him the idea of
writing them down. Now, he is writing a book about them… And watching porn.
Yeah, the guy is kind of addicted to porn, all day writing his dreams and in
between watching porn. He says, he is trying to break free though. Last time I saw him, he told me the story of how
he got into an argument with this neighborhood initiative below his apartment because
he puked to the flowerpot outside. Well these guys are building stuff for the neighborhood.
They do benches and shelves and flowerpots and all that kind of thing. They
have all kinds of crazy tools you can imagine and they do these stuff all day.
Only, if you touch them, they will eat you alive. You know they are a bit
touchy these guys. They are nice and all, but touchy like hell. Anyways, poor Phil,
apparently, was going home drunk and just puked in one of those pots and the
guys went crazy. He kept on telling me that they are building stuff 24 hours a
day and that the sounds drive him crazy. I tried to convince him that this
doesn’t mean he should puke into their flowerpot, but it was practically
impossible. I gotta tell you, though, people building furniture all the damn
day would drive me mad too, but anyways that is how they are filling their
time.
Anyways,
down the main street you can find many Virtual Reality cafes where people of
all ages role-play creatures of different kinds in a virtual environment with
their VR glasses on. They are there all day, completely addicted to it. By the
way, I don’t like playing. I like watching, that’s my thing. Next to it there
are day-discos. Look, you have to understand that when you are in this idleness
mode, you kind of go for whatever. I was in one of those discos the other day,
I saw people dancing and squirting water out of their mouths to each other.
They were probably in the virtual reality mode, I couldn’t see what they had
but for God’s sake... You should have seen them. They were in hysterics the
whole time, like it was the funniest thing that ever happened. There isn't any
other disco in the world you can sit in for a long time without buying some
liquor and getting drunk. We sometimes do it with Phil. He is a friend. Probably
the craziest Swiss guy ever, but he doesn’t know it. He talks about his dreams
all the time. I mean, not like his aspirations and wishes. He talks about
different kind of dreams he sees every night and just tells everyone about
them. Meet him in a bar, he’ll tell you what dream he dreamt the other night. Knowing
that he wouldn’t ever shut up about them, one day, I gave him the idea of
writing them down. Now, he is writing a book about them… And watching porn.
Yeah, the guy is kind of addicted to porn, all day writing his dreams and in
between watching porn. He says, he is trying to break free though. Last time I saw him, he told me the story of how
he got into an argument with this neighborhood initiative below his apartment because
he puked to the flowerpot outside. Well these guys are building stuff for the neighborhood.
They do benches and shelves and flowerpots and all that kind of thing. They
have all kinds of crazy tools you can imagine and they do these stuff all day.
Only, if you touch them, they will eat you alive. You know they are a bit
touchy these guys. They are nice and all, but touchy like hell. Anyways, poor Phil,
apparently, was going home drunk and just puked in one of those pots and the
guys went crazy. He kept on telling me that they are building stuff 24 hours a
day and that the sounds drive him crazy. I tried to convince him that this
doesn’t mean he should puke into their flowerpot, but it was practically
impossible. I gotta tell you, though, people building furniture all the damn
day would drive me mad too, but anyways that is how they are filling their
time.
I am probably the only normal guy in the whole place and that isn’t saying much. In fact, I don’t know what to think about all this stuff I just told you about.
I guess it
is a limbo situation that the system has created here and I wouldn’t be
surprised if they just sweep all of us away at some point. Now you’re gonna ask
again what system I’m talking about and I’ll tell you that it is the energy
companies, municipalities, regulations, politicians and all doing things
together, but not really “together” together. I guess. I told you, I don’t have
a good story to tell you what it is.
In the end, I
think it is what keeps you busy, basically, and when we don’t have anyone
telling us how we just occupy ourselves.
Jim Steele
CATCHER IN THE NOORD